Since we’re all slaves to the book of face, I thought it would be good to share some of the things about this media monster that make me cringe. What do you get when you combine facebook and etiquette? That’s easy; Emily Post on steroids. If you find yourself guilty with any of the following, remove yourself from society, find yourself a corner in an abandoned building and shrivel up into a pile of dust. OK, that’s a bit harsh. Just stop. Now.#1. The Tool Shot: I went over this one before, but it always needs some reiterating. You taking a half-naked picture of yourself in a bathroom isn’t that classy, Mr. full-of-yourself, sassy pants. Please make up for all your sinning by taking a picture of yourself wearing a long-sleeved, collared dress with pantaloons.
#2. Liking your own status: We know you like it dummy, that’s why you posted it!
#3. The “frien-vy” add: Basically this is my clever way of saying the following: You’re friends with a girl, but some other dude who’s into the same girl finds out about your friendship and adds you on facebook. Do you know the guy? Hardly. Ladies, this works the other way around.
#4. Checking in: This really is the dumbest/most useless thing since the conception of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Oh, you’re at the Whitman Library studying? Well, how cool is that! Guess what, I’m studying at my house! Put that in your smipe and poke it.
#5. The “Adopted family”: I know, I know. It’s really cute that you’ve added your “besties” as your sisters and brothers to your family column. Congratulations, now we all think you have adopted family members. But that’s the whole point, right? Grrr …
#6. Farmville requests: Hey you! Do you want to help me grow some cabbages and other tasty vegetables in a virtual reality that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever? Sure, why not! What the heck??? Why don’t you leave me alone and grow a flippin’ life! I hope whoever got rich off of Farmville gets plagued by a famine.
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