I’m not one for labels or stereotypes, but when it comes to Adventists, there are so many flavors. For those of you I’m about to offend, I’m sorry, but sometimes I really can’t help myself. I do want you to know one thing though: I had a blast creating these terms. WWU, you put a smile on my face. Enjoy.
Badventist: Often looked down upon by other Adventists. Partakes in partying on the weekends and other forms of sinful debauchery (including drinking coffee). Group includes business majors and Steeler fans.
Dadventist: All those upstanding father figures out there. Alex Bryan, Dean Evans, etc.
Fadventist: Obsessed with aesthetics. Generally drives a nice car and has to have the latest iPhone. Also, supports the construction of large, monumental, statue-like structures on Adventist campuses …
Gladventist: Our school might only have three African American professors in a sea of white faculty, but this one Jamaican man has enough enthusiasm to count as twenty. Can I hear an Amen, Pedrito?
Madventist: Generally not so fun to be around. Will often be the first to point wayward souls in the right direction. If things get nasty, they may even split up your church. Yikes!
Padventist: Paddy McCoy.
Radventist: These people reek of awesome. They are generally known to have Brooklyn accents, and will occasionally interrupt large audiences with their creative intellect.
Sadventist: I’m sure you get the idea. Fortunately, there is a cure for Sadventists. Send those poor souls to Berean Fellowship, or inflict them with a little Dr. Tony Campolo. All you need is love, yo.
Best place to make out on campus?
Guys, I love it when you kiss, grope, and fondle; it reassures me that Adventists are actually capable of producing offspring. But, given the latest circumstances, I’ve been pressured by my peers into suggesting a few locations that might turn your public displays of affection into private ones.
The bowels of Rigby, late at night
Why not turn that little escapade into a science experiment? I’ve never seen anybody down there past 8 p.m.
FAC practice rooms
Hey you two! Get a room! Seriously, there’s no easier way. Some of the rooms even come with keys …
President McVay’s Desk
Go to it while he’s on his lunch break! I dare you. Ohhh boy!
My house
For an hourly fee, I might let you use the basement.
1 comment:
Love this one!
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