Myspace did a lot for us. It taught us how to play detective (you’ll never admit to how you once stalked someone online, but you’ll admit to doing “detective work”), it taught us how to become critics (remember when you used to rate your top friends?), but most of all, it blessed us with a new genre of photography. This new style best fits the category of the self-portrait, one to which I like to refer as the infamous “tool shot”.
Now, the “tool shot” has to fulfill a few requirements in order to be classified as a legitimate “tool shot”. One, the photographer needs to be half-naked. Two, the photographer needs to be in front of a mirror, or else he/she will have to settle for the awkward arm-bend maneuver (go on, I dare you to call your bro friends and ask them to come over and take half-naked pictures of you. What will they think?). Three, the photographer should never smile. This is a serious shot, one in which the photographer looks as though his/her dog has just died, but, at the same time feels like the cat’s pajamas (yes, I did just use the words cat and dog in one groovy sentence). Finally, four, the “tool shot” works best if the photographer is in the bathroom, preferably one where the toilet is in view. They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. Well, shoot, a thousand words aren’t enough as soon as you’ve included a toilet in the picture. I can see the Myspace caption now: “Hey baby, after you’ve finished checking out my rock-hard, chiseled abs, why don’t you stay and rest a bit on the John directly behind me?”
As the world continues to spin, and “tool shots” continue to appear all over social networking websites, we romantics will continue to bow our heads in shame. Seriously, “tool shots” need to die.
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