The Wonder Years

Can you remember back when you used to be excited for Christmas? You know, back when you’d wake up at five in the morning? I’m assuming you’d run straight to the Christmas tree, and then, after scouring through the presents, you’d immediately run to your sleeping parents and yank them out of bed. Alright, so maybe you’re one of those who still wakes up your parents on Christmas, but at least for me (and I daresay it might include the majority of us college students), it is now the parents getting us out of bed when Christmas rolls around and it’s time to open presents.

I suppose the classic answer to why this phenomenal change occurs is that we’re getting older. Ah, yes, blame it on maturity. Well, let me tell you something — maturity is a lame answer! As cliché as it sounds, you have to remember that there’s a child in all of us. Unfortunately, that child has been buried under the strains and responsibilities that get shoveled upon a growing adolescent (allow me to let you in on a little secret: college is infamous for beating the “adolescence” out of you). Don’t get me wrong, going down life’s path and finding a career, or perhaps, starting a family, are worthy endeavors that many of us should look into. It’s just that all too often, after all the seriousness of learning is said and done, some of us forget about our childhoods and leave them in the rearview mirror. So, what I want you to remember is this: don’t let college ultimately change your being. Sure, let academia expand your horizon, but don’t let it rob you of your inner child.

Stranger Danger

I’ve recently stumbled upon one of the most useful websites I believe cyberspace has to offer — Craigslist. Now, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, come on, Brendan. Hop on the bandwagon. I’ve been using Craigslist for years!” Well, I haven’t. And let me tell you, I like it. Its simplicity and expediency rival that of In-N-Out Burger (yet another divine innovation). I used to think the whole concept of Craigslist was loony. I mean, looking around at classified advertisements online, then contacting the seller, and later, even meeting up with him or her to seal the deal — isn’t that just a little strange? Well, as I paced around my sorry-excuse-of-a-house (perhaps better aptly described as a man cave), materialism finally got the better of me. Looking at the furniture section on Craigslist in the Tri-Cities location, I spied the sale of a century: a full-sized wooden dining table along with three chairs for a mere twenty-five dollars. I wrote down the contact number and quickly reached for my phone. After a few awkward text messages, I was out the door and on my way.

I soon realized that finding a house I’d never been to in the dark was going to pose a challenge. Even with the address plugged into Debra, my talking GPS, none of the surrounding houses were matching up with the supposed destination. This actually didn’t come as a surprise; the vixen Debra had lied to me in the past on more than one occasion. Throwing my hands in the air, I dialed the seller’s number. After a rather awkward phone conversation, I was led to the right house. Unfortunately, I forgot what apartment she was in, so I had to knock on a few random doors before I came to the right one (I was too embarrassed to call her back, and yes, I know I don’t make sense sometimes – I blame it on Debra). To make a long story short, I finally got the table. So, the thing I want to leave you with is this: conquer the world. Use Craigslist. Meet people you don’t know. From my experience, good things can come from this, like really cheap furniture.

“Not to 50!!!”

Alright, no more funny business — things are about to get a little dicey. With Week of Worship in our rearview mirrors, we’re no longer protected by Campus Ministries’ orb of spiritual emphasis. Henceforth, professors no longer feel guilty about inflicting the most amount of brain pain possible. “Not to 50!!!” As Count Rugen from the movie classic, “The Princess Bride,” would surely put it. So, it’s time to “batten down the hatches” and (groan) put on the study gloves. But before you put my BackTalk down, or open this newspaper up, I’m going to leave you with an inspirational bit from Edgar Guest, the People’s Poet, to help boost your motivation meter.

Somebody said that it couldn't be done, but he with a chuckle replied that "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one who wouldn't say so ‘til he'd tried. So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin on his face. If he worried he hid it. He started to sing as he tackled the thing that couldn't be done, and he did it. Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that; at least no one ever has done it"; but he took off his coat and he took off his hat, and the first thing we knew he'd begun it. With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin, without any doubting or quiddit, he started to sing as he tackled the thing that couldn't be done, and he did it. There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done, there are thousands to prophesy failure; there are thousands to point out to you one by one, the dangers that wait to assail you. But just buckle in with a bit of a grin, just take off your coat and go to it; just start to sing as you tackle the thing that "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

Super Troopers

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I’m a senior, and I have yet to receive that dreaded slip of paper from the notorious squad of peace protectors; the College Place City Police. Sure, I’ve been pulled over a couple of times for creeping past a stop sign and the occasional jaywalking (yes, you can get pulled over while you’re walking), but somehow I’ve always managed to walk away unscathed. You’ll find it’s a longstanding tradition here at WWU to share your personal encounters involving the College Place cops with your friends. Just ask WWU alumnus Lance Davis or sophomore automotive technology major Kurt Lamberton and they’ll keep you entertained for a good half hour. So, what’s the best kind of cop story? It’s simple. The best stories are the ones involving an element of surprise.

Last Friday after vespers, the Bechtels were hosting their weekly smoothie night. Things were starting to get a little rowdy though as the party approached 45 guests. Now, we all know College Place likes its peace and quiet, so it wasn’t long before the fuzz came knocking at the Bechtels’ door. In front of the house, an officer stopped a bewildered Austin Nystrom, Spanish/theology major, from going back into the Bechtels’ home. Austin quickly explained he’d forgotten his Bible inside. No doubt skeptical to Austin’s excuse, and thinking they were just about to break up a royal flush of a kegger, the anxious officers entered the house. However to their dismay, not one drop of alcohol was found. Instead they were met with 45 WWU students getting ready to sing a rousing chorus of “King Jesus is All”. Sadly, the religious experience of Christian fellowship was disbanded, but the irony still lingers. I just can’t help imagine what was going through those three officers’ heads. “Those crazy Adventists…”

Ready. Set. Go!

So, once again that time of year is upon us. Whether you’re ready or not, it’s here! Perhaps you’ve been eagerly anticipating the college comeback, or maybe you’ve been dreading the return of all things academic (like me). First off, I’d like to say welcome back to all the returning students. Secondly, I’d like to extend an even warmer welcome to all you freshmen that have chosen (or maybe not have chosen) College Place as your provisional place of residence over the next eight months. Freshmen, allow me to let you in on a little secret. College is actually not that bad. In fact, some of you may like it. To all those ex-boarding students out there, no longer will your lights be turned off at 8:00 pm. No longer will you be forced to wear dress socks to church. No longer will you flee to the shadows when you want to spend some special time with your significant other. Sure, you may make some mistakes now and then, like speeding down College Avenue or getting suckered in to joining the Booster Club, but fortunately, college is a good place to learn from mistakes.

It’s true, the first week of school is a messy pot of mixed emotions: all those classic awkward silences in the cafeteria, the stress from not being entirely settled in, or the haunting belief that you’ll never see a “jumping Einstein” (on more of a side note, I’d still like to know who birthed the idea of a fat little jumping Einstein). On the other hand, you’re excited to see friends and you’ve no doubt been eyeing the “new prospects”. So why do I like WWU? It’s simple. It’s cliché. I like WWU because of the type of people it breeds. Better watch out! This Adventist institution of higher education may grow on you.

Oh where, oh where, have the ASWWU bikes gone?

"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike! I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like!” Seriously, Freddie Mercury couldn’t have said it any better. In today’s age, there are lovers of money and lovers of power, but here at WWU, we get greedy over those flaming orange magic carpets. My friend Michael Vier, Sophomore Electrical Engineering, was on his way to the cafeteria from Sittner Hall really wishing he could nab a quick ride on an ASWWU bike. While passing by Rigby, he spotted one and went over to it, only to find it CHAINED TO A BIKE RACK. If that wasn’t enough vexation, he later found one conveniently hidden behind a parked car. Now, I confess, I’ve entertained the thought of hiding an ASWWU bike for convenient later use (and I’m sure you have too), but chaining one to a bike rack? Isn’t that just a little over the top? I know, why don’t you just get a shovel and dig a hole and bury the doggone thing? Or if that’s too much trouble, you could paint the whole thing an ugly grey and if anyone was to suspiciously inquire you could say it was given to you by a sweet elderly lady for carrying her groceries. Seriously, it never hurt to be a little creative…

And now it’s time for “Really?!” with Brendan Hay.

Alright, so Alban’s really is not really my style, but I just couldn’t pass this one up. So here it goes. Ahem. Really ASWWU??? You left the Spring Jam T-shirt table unattended so just anybody could grab a shirt? Don’t you know those shirts were just for the bands? What were you thinking?! Congratulations ASWWU. Only about five people that played at Spring Jam actually got a T-shirt. I mean really…

Verbatim

‘I tried to get all the nude people to be the ships, and then direct them.’ MONTY BUELL, attempting to explain the Battle of Trafalgar to his family while vacationing in Spain, and awkwardly being flanked by nude beach-goers while doing so.

Tangerine

A boy with a girl came in tonight

To dodge the December Cold.

He proposed she pick a treat to eat

So she picked one as she was told.

A dime was all it cost you see

But he paid with so much more.

Up on the counter he produced a nickel

And a big round juicy orb.

I looked into his eyes and witnessed payment along with plea.

Right then I did see Love--in the form of a tangerine.

A boy with a girl came in tonight

To dodge the December Cold.