This is me, being bad, again

I love social experiments. Really, I do. In fact, over Spring break, I plan to partake in one. That way, when I come back next quarter, we’ll be able to talk about it right here on this page. So, onto the delicious topic for this week:

CommUnity. Ah, what a lovely word. Eleven credits shalt thou obtain; he who fails receives the cane. Believe me, like everyone else, I’ve had my bouts with those good souls, the keepers of the credit. On Tuesday, I was bored. Really – I was. You may not know this, but if you go out into the lobby to talk on your cell phone, they’ll politely (and sometimes not so politely) tell you to stop (and c’mon, let’s be frank with ourselves, we all know everyone still calls “CommUnity” chapel). So, fifteen minutes into the show, I step into the lobby, pull out my phone, and pretend to talk. As a social experiment nerd, I can’t wait for what happens next. As I observe those laborers of love with keen interest, I spy one usher who notices me. No doubt wishing I didn’t exist, and hoping to avoid all sorts of conflict, she timidly approaches me and awkwardly tells me to get off of my phone. Bam. Just like that. I stop, look at her, and reply, “Well, actually, I have all my credits.” Finis. She’s satisfied. She leaves. I’m thoroughly entertained. Good deal.

First off, I think all the ushers should get a copy of “Emily Post’s Book of Etiquette” and concentrate especially hard on the section dealing with phones. Secondly, I want to know why married couples get to skip out on chapel, and don’t tell me they’re able to get their “CommUnity” on at a different time and place. That’s not a legitimate reason (next time they tell me to get off of my phone, I’ll just say, “Leave me alone, I’m married”). Lastly, I’m going to leave you with this stick of dynamite. What would Jesus do? Yeah, that’s right. I just pulled the God card. I can see it now. I’m listening to the Sermon on the Mount, and Jesus comes up to me and tells me to get off of my phone (Jesus can do two things at once). But, personally, I don’t see Jesus doing that. Especially when He knows I’m talking to my soon-to-be brother-in-law whose mother just died of cancer.

Seriously, guys? CommUnity credit? Can’t WWU do a little better than that? I want answers! Excuse me now while I go start an apology letter for the hundreds of people I just offended.